Wednesday, September 06, 2006
FAMILY--Can't live without them-Can't shoot them!
I need to have a shooting night with my hubby. My family (not the ones that live IN my house) is driving me bonkers. Literally, I've felt like pulling my hair out and screaming. My youngest sister that just had a baby was upset about a wise crack I made, (which, looking back, I realize was probably not appropriate even meant in jest), HOWEVER, she failed to tell me this really bothered her and instead pulled the silent treatment, not returning phone calls act. WTF!!! She is 21 years old and a mother! She should be adult enough to let me know that I upset her enough to ignore me for 2 freaking weeks! Really frustrated me, cuz not only do I NOT want to hurt her, I don't want her to be upset with me, and not tell me, so I can fix it!
My other sister, the one getting married, seems to still be bent out of shape over my comment of having to starve myself in order to feel good about being in her wedding. Bottom line there? Skinny people don't understand fat people. I, of course, am not literally going to starve myself, but she got a size 4 dress off the rack, while I'm trying on size 18 tents... excuse me if that makes me feel crappy about myself.
I'll admit one of my faults is that one, I cannot hide my emotions well. And two, I speak sometimes before I think. And even when it's not directed at someone, like when I said "I'm gonna have to starve myself"--it can still start a land slide that my emotional self is never prepared for.
Let's see, my dad and I went to lunch with my little boy today. Yeah, Dad proceeded to tell me that he and my mom were about to split back in July. Nice. I needed to hear that. I don't have enough anxiety in my life, what with the death of my BIL, the heart operation of my dad, one sister having a baby, one getting married, my kid starting kindergarten, ...... JEEZ!
What is it about a person that makes them handle stress in a healthy way? Why can't I figure it out? I feel like a basketcase 75-85 % of the time. Over whether I am succeeding in parenting and marriage. Over whether my family thinks I'm doing a good job and are proud of me? Over whether my siblings give a rat's ass if I dropped off the face of the earth, except they'd be outta free childcare that they never reciprocate? Whether or not I'll ever feel about God the way I thought I did, and whether the feeling of trusting Him in all situations will ever happen.
Naw, I've got nothing going on.
Anyway, gonna go try to do something fun with my two children, so they don't remember me as the crying basketcase that I have been today.